Twas the night before performance reviews were due to HR.
Not a positive thought was stirring, as I drove home in my car.
The forms they lay scattered on my desk and floor,
In hopes that some miracle would walk through my door.
I squirmed in my chair as I tried to recall,
but the visions of greatness did not come to me at all.
Goals and objectives and day to day grind,
We all had worked hard but, oh, never mind.
When all of a sudden I rose from my seat,
Thoughts sprang from my head, as I stood on my feet.
I started to write and I wrote and I wrote,
“The forms were all eaten by my brand new pet goat!”
The look on the face of HR was surprising,
And gave new meaning to all of ‘there’s a storm sure arisin’.
When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a look from my boss which gave new meaning to fear.
A little old man but sharp as a tack.
I knew in a moment he’s not giving me slack.
More rapid than words flying came out of his mouth,
And shouted and shouted as the meeting went South!
“Now dangit McGoo, all these people work hard!
Connor, and Connie, yes Donald and even Bernhard!
To the top of their game! to the long days they spend!
Now go away! go away! Don’t do this again !
As I sat at my desk and I got my head straight.
I will do the job well though these forms may be late.
So up through the night and into the next day,
I focused on all of the words I must say.
And then, with a twinkle and smile on my face
I headed to work to present my true case.
As I walked by my office and straight past my door,
I read all the words and then read them no more.
I was standing amongst the best team in the place,
And their eyes were a mist as I asked them for grace.
Applause began slowly and then cheers of joy,
As they sounded like children, each girl and each boy.
Their eyes – how they twinkled! Their smiles were a glow!
These reviews were as fresh as a new fallen snow!
Their mouths were dropped open as they read one by one,
I captured each plus, each best job they had done.
But their faces turned tight and they snarled showing teeth.
Confusion like smoke encircled their heads like a wreath.
They had a long face and with a sigh and a jerk,
Said, “hey, this review only covers the last month’s worth of work!”
I was stumped and perplexed, as I fell off of their shelf,
And I laughed when I heard them, in spite of myself!
A wink of my eye and a twist of my head,
Soon let them know I had nothing else to be said.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to my work,
I’ll fill out those forms, those misfits, those jerks.
But the clock alarm sounded and it filled me with fear,
It’s my fault, it’s my job to keep notes through the year!
I sprang from the bed knowing this was a dream,
And away I drove swiftly to my office and team.
I heard in my head a voice whisper good cheer.
Our reviews don’t come once, they come all through the year!
If you need help with your performance review planning, learn more about CAI.
CAI’s Advice & Resolution Advisor Renee Watkins is a seasoned HR professional with a diverse background in Human Resource. Renee provides CAI members with practical advice in a wide range of human resource functions including conflict resolution, compliance and regulatory issues, and employee relations.